My husband has ADHD. We always knew he had something "off" about him and he recently as been prescribed Ritalin. He's worried about the side effects, and just the idea of having to take another medication, but hoping it helps him. He is unable to multi-task and always feels the need to be doing something. He is addicted to a video game on his phone and I have to remind him to be present all the time. That has made me feel quite lonely in our relationship as he is a workaholic and we have a 1.5 year old daughter. I hate to say our relationship has been so much worse since our daughter was born. I'll never forget the day he told me to my face that when she was born, I, his wife, "would no longer be a priority to him." That still sticks with me to this day, because he has proven that to be true. I'd much rather spend time with our daughter without him because when we are all three together, I feel like I have to entertain them both. We had our first counseling session together today. Our homework is to come back with a list of things we need to change about ourselves, individually, to improve our relationship. I feel bad, but I have nothing else left to give except support through this process because it's time for a major change or divorce. Anyone had experiences Ritalin they can share? Good or bad. I want to understand what were getting into with that drug.
My wife takes 6 long acting, 3 short acting every day. She has done this for 4 years. She can now plan, focus, prioritise, sleep,less aggressive.the adhd traits are still there, thanks to therapy she has learnt better manage them. Therapy and meds are the best combo
Is your counselor experienced with ADHD? There are endless cases of counseling gone wrong because the professional does not understand how the ADHD partner actually is capable of functioning or changing or participating in therapy (or not!). Do you have a copy of 'Is it you, me, or adult ADD'?
So many things! Welcome to the family! You are not alone, we've all been there, word for word.
First thing, ok, really there is no order bc they're all important, but I'll start here. Is your therapist specialized in ADHD? If not, find a different one b/c you will only go in circles otherwise.
Next, I highly suggest you read the book "Is it you, me, or adult add?" Your hubby should read it too. It's amazing and worth every penny!
As for the homework... I'd be shocked if DH did it...mine never did. But the question you were asked was not what of yourself can you give, but what do you need to change about yourself. That being the case, start with focusing more on yourself. Take care of your needs. Learning how to set boundaries and sticking to them. Not allowing yourself to be put on the back burner. Discovering your self worth (it's a lot more than you think). Not juggling all the balls all the time - let them fall and let dh experiance the consequences of his choices. There is tons you can change, they just arent going to be changes of giving more. If you dont take care of yourself you cant take care of everyone else either. It's true! And our actions/choices do play into the toxic cycle. So to break that cycle you have to change what you are doing, bc what you are doing is not working.
Without a doubt, life got harder when you had a baby. It got harder when you got married too. Every time there's a life change and life gets more demanding and someone else is demanding time and resources for your dh it becomes more and more overwhelming for him. This is ADHD. He's not able to focus in more directions like a neurotypical person. And those poor coping skills he learned to use to hide his ADHD as a kid aren't sufficient anymore. Most of the time they cant see this, but it is a big factor in the ADHD roller coaster (see book above).
Finally a ritalin story....I have 2 kids and dh that were all dx'd within 2 months of each other. I questioned dh 5 years prior and took him to a psych after several depression meds didnt work. The psych blew me off calling me crazy - adults cant have that...and thus no specialized therapist....well the school was fighting me on additional help for ds and no one would give me the spd dxs we had so I took him to a psych. From there we learned he had ADHD, SPD, and anxiety. The last 2 we knew. Dh told me "just bc we can do something doesn't mean we should" and at the same time bil is kicking nephew out of the house b/c of head butting and he failed out of high school. He was dx'd at the same age as ds and they discontinued meds (note I'm pretty sure dh's entire family is undx'd adhd) and I knew I was looking at my future and not one I wanted. I wanted to do better by my kids. As much as I didnt want the Dx, I had it. I made the appt with his dr and dh decided we should try the stimulant. DS went on adderall and even at the wrong dose, it was night and day different. We upped it twice and it was perfect. 2 weeks later I contacted the dr again in tears b/c I couldn't keep doing the morning fights with dd to get her out the door for school. Turns out she also has ADHD. Both ADHD cases looked very different! At both kids' appt the dr gave dh a 15 question form to fill out to get dx'd himself. He threw the first one away. I made him fill out the 2nd. He checked every box, but this time after seeing how meds made such a difference for ds he was willing to try and can now see it in his family. We started dd on guanfazine and it was aweful for her. We came back off that and did adderall bc if it works for one it may work for other family members. We upped her dose once and it got it's name madder-all. Stopped that one. Put her on concerta which is the extended release of ritalin. Dose 1 was questionable, we upped it and oh my goodness. She's the sweetest thing ever! Dh is on adderall xr and short acting. I'm not sure his dosing is correct, but when meds are on board it's night and day different. The yelling, forgetting, lieing, blowing up, gaslighting, and walking on eggshells, etc etc, is all gone (when meds are on board).
So long story short, I think stimulants are amazing. They don't all work for everyone but there is a good change if one class doesnt work for him, the other will. The name of the game is start low and go slow so as to avoid the side effects. But there is so much potential with those meds! (Ritalin and adderall are the 2 main brand names in each class of stimulant.)
My husband was diagnosed as child but remained unmedicated Until after our twins arrived at 38.
At that point I had to give him an ultimatum to sort out his ADHD or leave. In our case his worst adhd symptom (he has a few) makes him short fused and unp...
Posted in Attention Deficit/hyperactivity Disorder
Attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder is a brain disorder characterised by three patterns of behavior; inattention, hyperactivity and impulsivity. Although it is common to meet these behaviors in young children, attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder amplifies them. As a result, children or young adults suffering from it may experience social and integrational difficulties in school, university or job.